chapter thirty-eight...
She thought about writing him a letter.
She thought about sending him an identical basket of flowers, just like the one he sent her.
She thought about just not mentioning it at the studio on Monday, in the hopes that all would be forgotten.
None of those things seemed like very good ideas, Aerien shook her head as she wandered through the house, picking up errant items and generally tidying her house. She knew she was going to have to talk to Jeff sometime.
But did it have to be right now? She wondered. She hated to admit it, but she was nervous about seeing him again. About having to explain things, about having to admit she's a lunatic sometimes, but mostly she was nervous that he would tell her she was too weird for him, that he'd rather they just break things off between them before they even start.
She didn't like that thought one bit.
Aerien's eyes wandered over to the mantle, which was strewn with framed photos of her Alex and friends. Front and center was a picture of Kai and Aerien on their wedding day – Aerien is smiling at the camera, her eyes bright and her smile wide as Kai stands by her side, her hand firmly in his, and he is also smiling but looking straight at Aerien.
She had always loved that picture.
Now she walked over to it and picked it up to examine it more closely. She ran her fingertips lightly over the faces that were smiling so happily in the photograph before gently laying the frame back on the mantelpiece. That had been the happiest day of her life. So many times in the last two years, she had wondered if she would ever be that happy again.
With new resolve, Aerien found her purse, grabbed her keys and briskly walked out the front door towards her car.
**
As Aerien drove over to Jeff's house, grateful that she remembered how to get there through the winding streets, she rehearsed exactly what she wanted to say to him.
It was just like the first day of rehearsal for a new movie. She just had to know her lines, and then rehearse them. She practiced her inflection, her tone of voice, the order of her words, and how she wanted to convey the emotions that she felt.
She felt like a part in a movie. Only this time, the movie was her life, and she was speaking from the heart.
She mumbled to herself over and over what she was going to say to Jeff, all the decisions she had made over the course of her weekend of reflection and solitude. Once she was comfortable with her speech, she depressed the gas pedal and sped even faster toward Jeff's house.
Towards the future.
As she pulled into Jeff's street, her mouth suddenly felt as though it was full of cotton. She swallowed thickly and pulled into Jeff's driveway and killed the engine.
Then she balked. She couldn’t do this.
She sat for a long minute, calling back all the words from her memory and putting them in order, then slowly climbed from the car and with shaking hands, started to walk up to Jeff's front door.
She rang the bell and danced from foot to foot, waiting impatiently for him to open the door, for her to begin her speech.
Her eyes widened when he finally did pull open the heavy oak door.
The formerly pesky Jeff was standing before her, his feet bare, and a pair of ripped and faded jeans sitting low on his hips. His white tee shirt was clinging to his thin frame, his face showing off a two day growth of stubble, his eyes warm but a little wary.
He looked so handsome, in a rumpled and comfortable way.
All her carefully practiced words seemed to flee her mind in the instant he opened the door and looked down at her.
She stood rooted to the spot, looking up at him as her mind seemed to shut down.
He looked at her quizzically, his head cocked slightly to one side. But as though sensing she had things to say, he wisely said not one word, simply waiting for her to break the silence between them.
Even as her brain lost all rational and practiced functions, her body seemed to pick up the slack, taking over for her.
She stepped forward, placing her hands flat against Jeff's chest, feeling his slightly elevated heartbeat against the palm of her hand. Another step and her body was flush with his, her face tilted up to place her quivering lips on his.
She closed her eyes and kissed him.
She felt him stiffen against her, before relaxing and winding his arms around her back, pulling her closer against him as his lips sought at hers, refusing to let her go.
Fireworks seemed to burst behind her eyelids as she felt the answering pressure of his lips on hers, and her hands snaked around his neck, pulling his face closer to her, one of her hands diving into his hair and threading her fingers through its thickness.
She knew she should step back, should say something to him – anything – but she simply was unable to.
She just wanted to stand here and kiss him for all eternity.
Definitely not a rational thought, and definitely not part of her rehearsed speech that was going to bare her soul and explain the future to him.
But in a way, this was better.
She continued to cling to Jeff, seeking out his affection, drawing on all the warmth he seemed to be pouring into her as they stood on his front stoop. His lips trailed from her mouth to her eyelids, her cheeks, her neck, her earlobe, and she stood pressed against him, mewling softly at the touch of his lips on her skin.
"I should say something." Aerien whispered as Jeff nibbled at her left ear. "I have so many things to say to you."
Jeff pressed a warm kiss to her cheek, nuzzling her skin. "I know you do. But for right now, just don't say a word." He kissed her softly, tenderly on the lips. “We have the rest of time to say what we need to say.” He whispered against her lips, and she tried to blink back tears that sprang to her eyes. “
Aerien nodded, closing her eyes one last time and finally allowing herself to be free.
“Besides, I’ve been wanting to kiss you for weeks. I’m sure as hell not letting you get away with talking now and ruining the moment.” Jeff growled, his voice husky and low as he tugged her hips with his hands and drew her into the doorway of his house. “Might be months before I have another shot at this.”
Aerien laughed as she allowed herself to be gently pulled inside his house, thinking that only Jeff could take such a profound moment in her life and make her laugh at it.
And for that, she would be eternally grateful.
“Oh, I think you’ll have another shot or two. But only if you play your cards right.” Aerien teased, her mouth covering his once again.
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